Saturday, October 8, 2016

The Hiring Process Is A Joke

I was the least qualified person at the interview, but I knew I was getting the job anyway. Because the boss was wearing the same outfit as me.

After 13 years of auditioning for singing gigs and getting turned down for most of them, I've been told many times " don't take it personally, the audition isn't about you", and I didn't realize how true that was until this interview. There's no degree you can get, no job on your resume, no research you can do that can replace the coincidence of showing up to an interview looking just like the boss.

And what's so bad about that, really? Having a degree doesn't mean you'll have any of the skills that all college grads are supposed to have, plenty of people graduate without communication skills, competence at technology, mathematical ability. Depending on the school and the professors, you don't need any special intellectual curiosity or perseverance to graduate.

The resume doesn't say much either, since anyone can put whatever they want on it. You could make ludicrous claims without the company checking up on it. If you put an amazing claim on your resume that is true, that doesn't mean those hiring are going to call anyone that can verify the claims. I've listed references that are casual friends I never worked with, just because they sound good on the phone.

Sure, you could do research on the company to impress the interviewers. I've definitely done that in the past, and then had interviews where I was never asked anything about the company. I've done research and watched people get hired who did zero research. If you research a company top to bottom, impress everyone and get the job... does that have any bearing on whether you'll be good at the job once you're working there?

The jobs pull the same stunts. Here's the classic one: the job lists Excel proficiency as an absolute must, you feel good about your Excel skills so you apply, you get hired, and then none of your coworkers can do anything on Excel. You remember seeing on the website for the job that the supervisor position requires a Masters in Accounting, which you don't have, so you applied for a lower level position. You start working there. The supervisor doesn't have a Masters in Accounting.

But you're not surprised at this nonsense. When you first applied online, the application made you attach a resume. After you attached it, you got an endless application asked you to type out every aspect of what's on the resume. The application specifically forbids you from typing "see attached resume". You also had to write the address of every previous job, and phone numbers of supervisors that don't even work there anymore.



One summer I read a dozen books and a hundred articles on financial matters because I felt like a financial illiterate. That year I had three job interviews (I got all three of the jobs) and asked these great detailed questions about the benefits, most of which the committee couldn't answer. At the third job, after already receiving an offer, I said I would need to see the informational packet they give to new employees so I could study it before accepting the offer. I was told the packets would be given out at orientation. But that's too late, I said, I need to know this information to tell whether I want to work there! I was told the packets would be given out at orientation. I took the job anyway because I needed the money.

The packet didn't have specifics about the dental plan. The HR rep couldn't answer my questions, my coworkers couldn't. I dug deep into the file structure of a shared hard drive only accessible by employees that have a company password, keycard, electronic profile... established hires that are already committed to the job. I found something explaining the dental plan. It covered all preventative care, but took $14.66 out of every paycheck. I only needed basic cleanings once every six months, but $14.66 out of every check means $381.16 per year... so I'd pay the equivalent of $190.58 per cleaning. That means it was cheaper to pay for cleanings out of pocket, an extra cost I didn't have at the last job. Suddenly the extra money earned at this new job has decreased.

And I got that job because the boss showed up wearing the same outfit as me. I matched his speech, leaned on the table the same way, cracked a couple jokes about things I figured he'd be interested in, and my whole past became irrelevant. I knew the three other people applying for the job, and all of them would have done better at it.

They should tell you about that in college. Or maybe high school. It might not go over well to tell college kids that a 5 minute conversation matters more than 4 years of sweat. That $50 spent carefully at Ross goes farther than $60,000 at school.

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